


All Them Voices Slip Away

by ariadnerue



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, because you know dnd and resurrection rituals and stuff, but with a touch of drama, new fandom who dis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24660565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariadnerue/pseuds/ariadnerue
Summary: Jester didn’t know what they were, exactly.  Best friends didn’t seem like a big enough title anymore.  She had heard Beau crying out for her when she was about to die.  And she felt like now, her life was divided into two distinct parts: the time before she heard the way Beau's voice sounded as her heart broke, and the time after.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 18
Kudos: 213





	All Them Voices Slip Away

**Author's Note:**

> NEW FANDOM WHO DIS.
> 
> Sup I'm Ari and I haven't written anything in 3 years.
> 
> Started watching Critical Role back with the first episode of campaign 2. Kept up with that ever since. Also went back and watched campaign 1 (only note: coulda been gayer). Now here we are, 3 months into quarantine, 3 weeks into riots and curfews and fires and protests protests protests (I live in Minneapolis), and I cranked this baby out between the hours of 1 and 3 AM while listening to Mighty Vibes volumes 1 and 2.
> 
> And also Slip Away by Perfume Genius, aka the song I got the title from.
> 
> Everything is crazy right now, y'all. Here's some fluff. Helps with burnout.
> 
> Be gentle I'm out of practice.

Jester woke up in an unfamiliar room.

Her vision was a little blurry, so she blinked until it cleared and stared at the ceiling. There were shadows moving across it, wind blowing the leaves of a tree outside. She blinked a few more times and tried to swallow, but her throat was dry.

How long had she been asleep?

She sat up slowly, nose scrunching up as she noticed how sore she was. Once she had herself comfortable against the headboard, she took a bleary look around the room.

It was an inn room, probably. A pretty nice one, or clean at least. There was the bed she was in, the sheets a little scratchy but much nicer than most of the places they had stayed. Another bed across the room, for Beau of course. They were always roommates. But that bed looked untouched, which made sense considering Beau was asleep in a chair at Jester’s bedside.

Jester couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her. She had her arms folded on the edge of the bed near Jester’s knees, head pillowed on top of them and her face toward Jester as she snored quietly. Beau’s little snores were one of Jester’s favorite noises in the world. But… something was wrong.

All over Beau’s arms and face were cuts, bruises, dried blood. Her clothes were torn and filthy. There were dark circles under her eyes and her face was scrunched into a frown as she slept. She looked like she had just walked in off of a battlefield, and just as Jester was about to reach for her, she realized there was someone else in the room.

“Please don’t wake her yet.”

Caduceus’ deep, rumbly voice made Jester jump a bit in surprise. She whipped her head around to find him in another chair on the other side of her bed, leaning back against the window that the ceiling shadows were coming through. He was smiling at her, holding out a cup of water which she took gratefully. “I uh… I asked Caleb to use a sleep spell on her to get her to rest. I’d rather be out of the room when she wakes up.”

Jester frowned at him, confused. He looked tired too, but he didn’t look injured. His clothes were clean. She opened her mouth to try to ask him what was going on, but her throat was so dry even after that sip of water that only a cracked, whispery sound came out.

“Drink some more, you’ve been out for a few days,” Caduceus said gently, and Jester nearly choked on the water she was gulping down.

“A few days?” she repeated incredulously. “Then why is Beau still all hurt and filthy?”

Caduceus looked down at his hands and Jester got a sinking feeling in her stomach.

“She wouldn’t… well uh, she won’t let me heal her,” he sighed. He looked back up at Jester, who was staring at him uncomprehending, and he gave her a sad smile. “She hasn’t left your side. Wouldn’t sleep. I had to resort to Caleb’s spell about six hours ago just so she wouldn’t pass out.”

“What happened?” Jester asked shakily, eyes falling back to Beau. Beau who hadn’t left her side. Beau who was hurt the whole time but wouldn’t let Caduceus heal her. “We were… we were fighting two fire giants, and then…” She closed her eyes, straining to remember. “A third one showed up…”

“Just take a second, Jester,” Caduceus said quietly, and Jester closed her eyes tighter. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

One of the giants had her cornered. Another giant had Beau grappled, both of its massive hands wrapped around her and pushing her against the rock wall of the cavern they were in. And a third giant had just come out of nowhere, knocking Caduceus clean off his feet and sending him flying. Even from across the cavern Jester could hear the sound of Caduceus impacting the cavern wall. Fjord and Caleb were there, standing between Caduceus’ unconscious form and the giant, but there was no one between Jester and the giant she was facing.

Yasha and Veth were both sprinting toward her, shouting for the giant’s attention, but they wouldn’t make it in time. Jester was already pretty badly hurt. She raised her shield, knowing it wouldn’t do much against the sword the giant was raising, the size of a tree trunk.

_“No! Jester, NO!”_

Jester blinked and looked over toward the noise. It was Beau, screaming at the top of her lungs. She was thrashing and kicking in the giant’s grip, angry tears running down her face.

Her wide, terrified eyes looking right back at Jester.

Then it was dark.

“Did I die?” Jester asked Caduceus quietly, eyes never leaving Beau’s face as she snored at the foot of the bed.

“You did,” Caduceus replied, placing a large hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently. “I was… I was unconscious at the time, but Caleb told me Beau dislocated her arm squeezing out of the giant’s grapple so she could get to you.” Jester could feel tears stinging at her eyes and clamped her teeth down on her lower lip to stop herself from crying. “By the time Fjord had me back on my feet, it was… I’m sorry, Jester, it was already too late for a revivify spell to work.”

“But I’m here,” Jester replied lightly, finally tearing her eyes away from Beau to give Caduceus a small smile. “So you did something else.”

“Indeed I did,” Caduceus sighed, and he seemed relieved by how well she was taking this. Jester herself was relieved by how well she was taking this. “Once the giants were taken care of, we got you to the closest inn and I prepared the ritual.”

Jester nodded, taking a long, slow breath. She and Caduceus had talked about it before, the spell to raise the dead. Just in case either of them ever needed to use it. Apparently it was a good thing they did.

“Your offerings,” Caduceus said with a smile, tilting his head toward the bedside table. Jester turned to look. She knew how the ritual worked, that three of her friends needed to offer something for the spell to take hold. Something to convince her spirit to return to her body. There were three items on the table: a little charm that she had made for Fjord back when they first met, woven from grass and fishing line and a long-dried purple aster blossom, Veth’s flask, enchanted to always be full of liquor, and… a folded piece of paper. Jester picked up the last item curiously, unfolding it to find an old, wrinkled drawing of a little blue girl holding hands with a little boy in a green cloak. Her eyes went wide.

“The Traveler came?” she asked, shocked. This was the first drawing she had ever given him, way back when she was small and he started to visit her in the shape of a playmate her own age. Caduceus nodded.

“Beau was going to say something after Fjord and Veth, but your friend Mister Artagan showed up and, well, Beau let him go instead,” he said with a quiet laugh. “He couldn’t stay, but he wanted us to tell you he loves you and he’ll visit as soon as he can.”

Jester felt warmth blooming in her chest at that. The Traveler had showed up _in person_ to help bring her back to life. She knew she was his favorite. She set the drawing back down with the other items and let out a long sigh.

“Needless to say, the ritual succeeded,” Caduceus said, and there was finally a lightness to his voice that had been missing this whole time. “But it’s a tough spell. Hard on the body and the mind. So you’ve been sleeping, and Fjord and Caleb and Veth and Yasha have all come and gone a few times to check on you, and I’ve been around in case you needed any healing, and Beau…” He trailed off for a moment and they both looked over at her, watched the slow rise and fall of her shoulders. Jester’s heart felt too big for her chest for a moment, full of too much fondness and love for her even as she grumbled a bit in her sleep. “Well like I said, she hasn’t left your side.”

“She’s the best person I think I’ve ever known,” Jester said quietly, the words slipping out of her without thought. Caduceus hummed at that, nodding.

“She would disagree with you, but we both know she is,” he agreed gently. “And now I’m going to go downstairs and tell the others you’re okay.” His hand was back on her shoulder as he slowly stood from his chair. Jester could hear joints popping in his knees and back and wondered how long Caduceus had been sitting there with her. “Oh, and I’ll ask Caleb to drop the spell.”

Jester caught his hand before he could go too far.

“Thank you, Caduceus,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes again. She squeezed his hand. “Seriously. Thank you.”

Caduceus smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on the top of her head.

“Any time, Miss Jester.”

Jester took another slow drink of water, emptying the cup as Caduceus closed the door behind him. Her eyes were on Beau again, drawn there like she was exerting some kind of force. That was how it had always been with Beau, Jester thought. They were so different, but they became best friends so fast. Jester just wanted to be around her, be in her orbit. She was so interesting, so different from anyone Jester had ever met.

At the start of her journey, Jester had thought she’d known everything about love. Thought she had romance figured out and she would go out and find her brave knight to sweep her off her feet. But the longer she spent with her friends, with Beau, the less that fantasy seemed to matter. The closer she became with Beau, the more layers she found of her best friend, the more aspects she uncovered as she let her guard down, well…

Those voices in the stories she had read that told her what love was supposed to look like…

Those voices slipped away.

Jester didn’t know what they were, exactly. Best friends didn’t seem like a big enough title anymore. She had heard Beau crying out for her when she was about to die. And she felt like now, her life was divided into two distinct parts: the time before she heard the way Beau's voice sounded as her heart broke, and the time after.

Caduceus must have told Caleb to drop the sleep spell, because all of a sudden Beau snapped up in her chair, brandishing her fists at no one.

“F’you try’n magic me Caleb, I’ll punch you so hard you’ll…” she slurred, head whipping around to search for threats. Jester couldn’t contain a tearful laugh at the sight, and Beau froze. Her eyes flicked over to Jester, widening in surprise, and her fists fell into her lap.

Jester smiled at her just as Beau was about to speak, and the words seemed to die in her throat. She took a deep breath, tears gathering in her eyes, and Jester just held her hands out to her.

“Come here please,” she said lightly, wiggling her fingers a bit.

“Jes,” Beau finally managed to say, and the weight in that one syllable almost bowled Jester over. Beau stood from her chair and moved closer, perching instead on the edge of the bed right up beside Jester.

As soon as she was within arm’s reach, Jester took Beau’s face in her hands and pulled her in, leaning her forehead against Beau’s gently and pouring as much healing magic into her as she could.

“You don’t-” Beau started as soon as she felt it, tensing in Jester’s hands, but Jester just shushed her and held on. She knew what Beau was going to say, she had heard it all before. Typical Beau, thinking she wasn’t worth the effort.

“Why wouldn’t you let Caduceus heal you earlier?” Jester asked sadly, and she let Beau lean back out of her grasp once she was out of spells. Beau looked away, hands fidgeting in her lap.

“I just… I couldn’t stand the idea of being totally fine when you were just lying here,” she said, voice barely rising above a whisper. Jester closed her eyes, tears sliding down her cheeks. “And the pain helped distract me. From the fact that you…” Jester opened her eyes to see Beau’s jaw clenching, the tendons in her neck standing out for a moment. Her shoulders slumped and she still wouldn’t meet Jester’s eyes. “You died. And I couldn’t save you.”

“Beau-” Jester began immediately, but Beau looked up at her and she stopped. She looked so angry and miserable that Jester forgot what she was going to say.

“I’m sorry, Jes,” she went on, voice wavering with tears. “I tried so hard to get to you and I couldn’t. And then Yasha had to carry you here because I was too messed up to do that. And I couldn’t even help with the ritual to bring you back.”

Well that just wasn’t acceptable.

“First of all,” Jester began, grabbing both of Beau’s hands in hers and squeezing until Beau met her eyes again. “You almost broke your own arm trying to get to me, so like, definitely you don’t have to be sorry about that.” Beau opened her mouth to argue but Jester just squeezed her hands again. “Second of all, I’m super buff and heavy with muscles so _of course_ Yasha was the only one who could carry me, duh.” Beau finally cracked a smile at that and Jester beamed at her. “And third of all, Caduceus told me that the Traveler cut in line. I know there was something you wanted to say. So…”

Beau looked up curiously when Jester paused. Jester was suddenly nervous, and she wasn’t really sure why. It was just Beau. Beau her best friend. Beau her roommate. Beau who practically broke her own arm to try to save her and then sat by her bed without sleeping for days. Beau who had screamed for her right before she blacked out.

Just Beau who was everything.

“So you could just tell me now,” Jester said in a rush. Beau’s eyes widened, but she didn’t look away. “If you want to, I mean. You don’t have to, obviously. But you could. Tell me. What you wanted to say.”

Beau stared at her, and Jester could see the wheels turning in her head. She was thinking hard, weighing her options, deciding on the best course of action. Jester had referred to it in the past as her Expositor Face, and that thought made her smile a bit. Beau took a deep breath.

“I’m in love with you.”

Jester stared at her. Of all the things Beau could have said in that moment. She was not expecting it to be that. Beau looked down at their intertwined hands, a look of grim determination on her face.

“I have been for a while,” she went on quickly, pushing the words out as fast as she could. “I had hoped it was just a crush, you know? That it would go away. But it didn’t, and it got worse, and I know you’re into that romantic stuff so I couldn’t stand the idea of you dying thinking no one had been in love with you when I was. Am.”

Jester felt like the bed had disappeared from under her and she was floating through space. She was so shocked, it seemed so completely out of the blue, but then… wasn’t that the answer to the very question she had been asking herself just minutes ago? She didn’t know what they were now, the two of them. Not best friends. Something else. Something more.

Of course. _Of course._

“You don’t have to like, worry, or anything,” Beau rushed on, a dark blush rising on her cheeks as she studiously avoided meeting Jester’s eyes. “I’m not going to… I mean I won’t pursue it, you know? I don’t… I know nothing will happen, so I just don’t want things to change. You’re so important to me, Jes. The thought of losing my best friend is what kept me from telling you this until now.” Jester squeezed her hands and Beau seemed to panic at the action, taking a quick, shuddery breath and moving her gaze up to the ceiling. “I just want to keep being your friend, please. We don’t… we don’t have to be roommates anymore, but I just… please let me keep being your friend. Please let me keep you safe. I just want you to be happy.”

Quiet stretched between them for a few moments as Jester tried to get her thoughts in order, tried to arrange words into a sentence. She released Beau’s hands and reached up to her face instead, wiping tears away with her thumbs and tugging Beau back down to look at her.

“You know love isn’t supposed to make you miserable, right?” Jester asked through her own tears, unable to keep herself from laughing around the words a little bit. Beau looked completely thrown, reaching up and laying her hands tentatively on Jester’s wrists. “Love should make you happy, not hurt you.”

“I guess I’ve never really had the happy kind,” Beau replied slowly, brows furrowing in thought. Jester’s breath caught in her throat at that and she had to force herself to hold eye contact. “But I should be miserable, right? Because it’s bad. If you don’t want it. It’s… bad.”

Jester huffed out a breath in agitation and pulled Beau in close enough that she could wrap her arms around her neck. Beau came willingly, wide-eyed and blushing.

“I want you to love me, Beau,” Jester said firmly, and Beau’s eyes somehow went even wider. “And I want it to make you happy and not miserable, because I’m in love with you too and I want to be with you forever.”

Beau’s mouth fell open.

“You… what?” she asked blankly. Jester leaned in and pressed their foreheads together again.

“I am in love with you Beauregard,” she enunciated slowly, grinning at the feeling of Beau’s hands settling on her hips. “And I want to be with you forever. Okay?”

“Okay,” Beau repeated weakly, eyes bouncing endlessly between Jester’s like she was searching for something, looking for a hint of a joke or a lie in Jester’s face. She swallowed hard. “Really?”

Jester let out an exasperated laugh and pressed her lips ardently to Beau’s. She felt more than heard Beau let out a tiny gasp of surprise, felt the tension drain out of her after a few moments of stillness, before she tilted her head a bit to kiss her back properly. Jester hummed happily into the kiss and Beau broke away laughing.

“Really,” Jester laughed right along with her. “I love you so much, Beau.”

Beau laughed again, and Jester knew that laugh. That was an exhausted laugh, a laugh at the absurdity of it all. A deeply, profoundly happy laugh.

“Well fuck, Jes,” she whispered, reaching up and running her fingers through Jester’s hair, tucking strays behind her ears with a tenderness that only Jester knew Beau was capable of. “That’s crazy. I love you too.”

Beau leaned in this time, sweeping Jester into a long, slow kiss that made her feel warm all over, made her fingertips tingle, made her heart flutter like a bird in her chest. And just when Jester started thinking how awesome this was and that she could get used to this, Beau pulled back suddenly.

“Oh shit, sorry, do you need anything?” she blurted, hands moving to cup Jester’s cheeks as she looked between her eyes again. A slow smile spread across Jester’s face as she took in Beau’s appearance, lips all shiny and pink and a dark blush high on her cheekbones. Beau glanced away, flustered. “You like… just woke up. From being unconscious for days. After being dead. Are you hungry? Do you need any water or like… tea, or…”

“I need you to stay here with me,” Jester responded simply, scooching herself over on the bed a little bit so there was room for Beau beside her. “And we can make out some more and probably cuddle. I mean, with our friends? Who even knows how long it’ll be before we can get some privacy like this again.”

Beau laughed again, reaching up and running a hand through her hair. Her fingers got snagged in the tangles and she looked down at herself for the first time. Took in her torn clothing, spattered with dried blood.

“Oh. Well. I’m kinda gross still,” she muttered, but Jester just grabbed her by the shoulders and dragged her to her side.

“You’re always kinda gross, Beau,” Jester teased, and Beau smirked at her. “But I like you anyway.”

“You’re hilarious,” Beau deadpanned, but she settled in the bed at Jester’s side all the same. Wrapped Jester in her arms and buried her face in her hair, carefully avoiding smacking her head into a horn.

“I know,” Jester replied lightly, words muffled against Beau’s shoulder. She wriggled a little bit in Beau’s arms, making herself comfortable in the bed with her best friend. Her more than best friend. “So do you want to be with me forever or not?”

She felt Beau let out another laugh. That deeply, profoundly happy laugh that had quickly become one of Jester’s favorite noises in the world.

“Forever isn’t even long enough, Jes.”

Jester’s eyes filled with tears and she laughed, recognizing those same feelings in her own laugh for the first time.

“Okay yeah, that’s pretty cool.”


End file.
